First and foremost I am an African American female with a strong affinity for my people. I have a deep ingrained sense of pride, responsibility and determination that cannot be shaken, stirred or broken by any situation. As an individual living in the United States of America I am afforded certain rights by the constitution. But as a cultural being with black skin I am well aware of the constant judgment, misrepresentation and implicit bias that I will face for the rest of my life. And by choosing not to exert energy towards every intentional or unintentional act of prejudice/racism I am not passively accepting a social system which I do not control but I am actively choosing to be joyful in this “post racial” climate that we live in. As a cultural being in the United States I silence my fury, my disgust, my anger and my pain because only a portion of the population understands me. And we understand each other without uttering a word or providing in depth explanations because a simple nod or glimpse in the eye is enough. Our language is unspoken ; it does not fall in the obsolete categories of standard and non standard because they were not written for us or by us. We are never home yet still at home and any history book can explain the reason. Our authenticity is so potent that we can adapt to any situation because we have to in order to fit the mold of what is acceptable behavior for a professional, educated middle class individual. That is who I am as a cultural being in America.

            As a graduate student in the TESOL program my cultural identity was the farthest thing from my mind. In fact, since I embarked on this teaching journey I have not consciously focused on this portion of my identity. Instead, I have been trying to fine tune my grasp of the grammatical, written, oral and auditory components of the language. However, being in this very insulated setting on campus has made me explore the dichotomy which is my identity. There are components of my behavior which are avowed and others which are ascribed and the most difficult aspects encompass my identity as an African American.  Although this is a somewhat weighted topic, I appreciate the manner in which we addressed it throughout the course. I wasn’t overly jovial after the discussions, but it made me think about myself and my perception of myself. I realized that others have somewhat similar feelings about their own identities and that a small bit of my tension was lifted after I simply expressed myself.  

Although I do not grapple with cultural identity in my workplace I have dealt with it in a different manner in my personal life. My sense of self is often shaken when I enter Nigeria (my-in laws house) every Sunday and immerse myself in a different cultural setting with a strict set of norms, expectations and linguistic requirements. With my in-laws and family, I am not required to assimilate or leave certain aspects of me at home but in their home, they do not assimilate to American culture either, they are proud Nigerians. So, I am left in uncharted waters, and I am still trying to navigate my way through. I have no road map, set of instructions or childhood advice from my parents to lean on; I have love for my family, and an un-ending will to try. In doing so, I have learned a lot about my tolerance for change, acceptance and compromise. This was my cultural mountain and now it is more of a cultural bump which I hope will become a bridge that binds me and my family. I have learned that some things cannot be rushed especially when you are trying to build relationships between two cultures. Some things simply take time and I’m starting to be ok with that. Eventually I will try to learn Yoruba again, but I know that it has to be on my terms. I have to initiate the learning process, and I have to be ready and open to the process because learning this language is very intimate. This language is associated with years of memories and misunderstandings so I will have to practice some of the ideas of Silent Way and Suggestopedia and literally lose myself in the learning process. If I am able to step back and open myself to the language, then I will have transformed my cultural bump into a cultural bridge. 

Finally, as an individual entering various social settings, I am constantly encapsulated in power struggles, ones in which I hold a dominant position and ones in which I hold a subordinate role, whether due to my professional ranking, my position within a group or my affiliation with an individual of affluence. As I have grown older, I have started to become much more comfortable in my sense of who I am, and I can navigate in and out of varying spheres of influence without losing grasp of my identity. However, occasionally, I place myself in situations which are completely new for me like uncharted waters and my first response is to remain guarded. Eventually, this method stops working and I teeter between putting my feet in shallow water and diving completely in the deep end. Instead, I climb down the ladder and slowly walk into the cold four-foot pool but stay very close to the edge. With time my body adjusts, and I move towards the middle of the pool, close my eyes, breathe in the air around me and let the water carry the weight of my body as I effortlessly float on my back. 

 I think life is about learning and I need to learn how to step away from my own feelings and be more aware of those around me that may be feeling the same way but express it in a different manner.