Something about the beach feels like home. Like I can close my eyes and feel the water surrounding me, hear the smooth crash of the soft waves pull back and forth and hear the long, beautiful silence of the beach. It’s the most wonderful feeling.
Deep down I knew this last trip would be a return home in many ways. Panama was my first “Semi Solo” trip and my intuition told me it would be my last. Perhaps I was tired or perhaps I was making room for the next chapter but this “part of the journey” I had wandered and fulfilled my dreams. I stepped back to jump forward and the puzzle-piece that had been missing for so many years was in its place. I did it and all the steps were out of order, but I did it all so now that this jigsaw puzzle was finally complete, I could put it all to rest. I could sigh a breath of relief and be still. I could sit back and breathe. My peace, my tranquility and calm were here when I closed my eyes I could see my heart – my family. I didn’t need to run anymore I just needed to go home. So, the moment everything came together, it all fell apart because it had served its purpose. And once I stood still long enough, I understood.
The taste of disappointment. The gut-wrenching fear that my whole life might crumble.
These things used to haunt me like a ghost. Until I realized that I truly had no control over the circumstances around me and suddenly I was
free…
It started as a decision to quit my job. A job which was well paying, had potential for growth and was in a field which on the surface seemed as though it fit into the puzzle pieces of my life. But the jigsaw pieces were forced and if you looked closely the puzzle was always incomplete. I needed a career which was challenging and stimulating whilst encouraging growth. Stagnation and predictably did not match with my appetite to learn and grasp new ideas. So, in one of my less eloquent moments I stated,
” I have something to tell you”.
As I sat in the car after riding the train back from work.
“I quit my job,”
I held my breath for a moment. Waiting for him to tell me he was proud of me. Thinking back now, I realize that was another slightly delusional fairy tale moment I was clearly living in. Especially since I knew how extremely practical/risk averse he was and quitting my job without another job lined up was the equivalent of a practical person’s worse nightmare. Thus, it was the end and beginning of many stages of my life, but I knew in order to do it right it was all or nothing. So, I started over and fell back in love and lust with writing and the cognitive process of language acquisition. I facilitated lessons, developed curriculum, coordinated with content creators, managed tutors and linguists. And I explored the role of culture, identity and student learning preferences and how they intertwined to create a dynamic and unique learning experience. I unlearned, relearned, taught and explored.
So, what have you learned from your semi solo trips? …
In the last several years I have taken multiple trips to different countries and each time I have travelled I have arrived at a new destination with new people, new food, new colloquial expressions and new idiosyncrasies. Although all this newness always comes in like a whirlwind as soon as I step foot in the airport, the real emotional shift always hits me as I sit down on the airplane to return home. It’s the realization that another journey has concluded with its ups and downs, and soon, I will return to my home, with my comfort food and recognizable routine as if nothing changed. But it always does. I find that the distance makes the notion of home seem so luxurious as if it’s a treasure that I never realized I possessed. And my hours wandering in the woods suddenly seem so invaluable. This was the most evident when I visited Bogota. Although it was a short visit, it felt like I was there for months, and it inspired me to brush up on my 0+ (barely/perhaps a stretch) Spanish proficiency levels. Since everywhere I went it was necessary to have phrases readily available to use and that was something I wasn’t prepared for. So, on this semi solo trip I learned that being away from recognizable idiosyncrasies, words and references is truly forcing yourself out of your comfort zone and as a result you can either blossom or wither. Some say Bogota is the New York of Colombia, I’ll be better equipped next time. Goodbye COLOMBIA!
T: You don’t care enough that’s why you don’t have a blog.
C: No, I just don’t have any extra time!
T: You’re not doing anything just wandering in the woods.
C: Well, I don’t want to spend my down time doing anything.
From that moment forward, I couldn’t get the pestering thought out of my mind. Why had I stopped writing? It was my passion, my joy, my form of expression, it was never a burden. I had simply forgotten the feeling of creating and learned to live without it. I was moving through life, checking off boxes and going through the motions. Fulfilling every obligation and ignoring everything else. So, this is day one of many of Wanderland reflections/blog/journal or creations as I return home from the place that I instantly embraced as home away from home. The question I keep returning to is why did I fall in love with this country. So, I close my eyes and replay the highlights of my time there. And I remember feeling at peace, a sense of freedom, the warmth of the sun, the familiarity of mountain peaks and the crisp chill in the air. Learning new words as I passed a sign and listening to a store clerk repeat a sentence 2 times …agau sin gas? and the constant sound of music and chatter which often faded into background noise this was my routine. Waking up with the sense that a mini adventure awaited me as I navigated my way on the metro, trying to remember how to say “how much does this cost”, and exploring a few new blocks seeing if I could communicate a bit more or recognize one or two more words. Santiago was special because I truly had moments where I wandered, discovered and learned quietly and confidently. I loved every magical moment. Chao Chao Chile until next time mi amor….
Exploring language as a means of communication & identity
Wynter Oshiberu
SIT Graduate Institute
8/12/2018
Harmonies and melodies varying tempos increased and decreased volumes, the sound of music. According to Henry Longfellow renowned American poet this is the universal language. It is a language with no words or grammatical structures and a seemingly comprehensive cadence and rhythm. It is a language that speaks to your heart and transcends every linguistic barrier. A simple change in the pace of music can let a listener know the mood of the song and set one’s imagination on a limitless journey of the mind. But unlike music, standard languages have rules, patterns and codes which can’t always be deciphered by the mere patter of the heart or a glimpse into one’s imagination. They encompass a world of written and spoken structures which allows one to indulge in reading and listening and eventually engulf in analytical and deeper learning. Language teachers play the crucial role of leading individuals on a journey past their comfort zone and into the wilderness of growth. Temples states that, “in an ideal world the classroom allows students to re-evaluate the past with a critical eye and in context to the present leads to reflection and new cultural fusions of tradition” (Pennycook, 99). This re-evaluation occurs in steps in which an individual embraces an inclusive stance, discusses issues and finally engages with different cultures. As an individual takes on the journey of language acquisition he also inadvertently embarks on a cultural and historical escapade. Discovering a language is like discovering another dimension of oneself and it is often layered, nuanced and complicated. Through communication, relationships and boundaries are formed, communities and borders are erected, families and enemies are developed. Culture is exchanged, transposed and fused. Languages are laid to rest and become part of elaborate territorial claims.
Students enter the classroom with their own culture which shapes or influences their norms, values and beliefs and these aspects of the whole student do not leave them as they enter the new world of the ESL classroom. However, the hope is that they become the melody or harmony in the song of their evolving norms, values and beliefs. According to Temples, this idea is known as a complex process of weaving a nexus in order to form one identity with multiple layers or memberships (Temples, 63). The ESL classroom at a community college is a small glimpse into the overlapping dynamics within the larger community. Thus there is an inherent push and pull for dominance among the varying forces within the classroom which range from the classroom culture, American culture and the student’s culture of origin. Communication was never meant to be a battle, it is simply a means of sharing thoughts, feelings, expectations, promises and desires through verbal and non verbal cues. However, more often than not choosing a means of communication is coupled with the choice of identity. Language shapes your world, your interactions, your perception, your norms, your innermost thoughts and feelings. Although it is often viewed as a one dimensional superficial component of one’s identity, in reality it is a core component of an individual’s personal, cultural and social identity. So what happens when an individual speaks multiple languages? Do they encompass a slightly different identity with each language or are the languages a component of intersectionality? As Wenger explains, a nexus does not merge the specific trajectories we form in our various CoPs (Communities of Practice) into one; but neither does it decompose our identity into distinct trajectories in each community. In a nexus, multiple trajectories become part of each other, whether they clash or reinforce each other (Wenger, 159). In a sense each language and its complementary elements play a unique role in the multifaceted identity of learners.
The larger college community provides a wider view of the community as a whole. Amalgamation within these spaces allows students to gradually become accustomed to the unspoken rules known as norms. Students participate in numerous activities to help them adjust to class and college expectations which range from completing standard forms with personal information to conducting research and completing short essays in the target language. For example at a small community college in Maryland a unique group of students participate in a non-credit ESL program before they are able to matriculate to the more intensive credit program within the college. Since the main goal of the program is to encourage students to enter the workforce, there is a large emphasis on career prep activities. In order to help students prepare to enter the job market students participate in a variety of speaking, listening, reading and writing tasks. These endeavors include brainstorming about career goals, objectives, jobs and skills. In addition, students draft multiple copies of their resume before partaking in mock sessions at a Career Center and mock interviews. Finally, students attend a job fair with other college students and community members. This sequence of events may seem unconnected and irrelevant to students; however, it is set in a manner that encourages students to observe, notice and participate in the college community and society. Ukasoanya mentions various negative aspects of improper acculturation such as lack of cultural inclusion and lack of understanding of cultural scripts. This tends to occur when students are ill adjusted to their new linguistic and cultural environment.
Developing a strong sense of self is a long endeavor which most people complete through various stages. Ukasoanya says that self definition is an ongoing process of self discovery and socialization (Ukasoanya, 151). English language learners enter a school or program with their own set of beliefs, values and norms and face an enduring internal struggle to establish a sense of self among conflicting cultural identities. Ward, Stuart and Kus conducted several studies and the resulting empirical research concluded that immigrants go through various stages of linguistic and cultural change. I have worked with students from the Middle East, West Africa, East Africa, Eastern Europe and Latin America. Although the students have very different and distinct cultural and linguistic backgrounds, the camaraderie within the class seems to be centered on the idea of an international student body community. The students found commonalities in their shared experience of being foreign students, learning a foreign language and being immersed in a foreign culture. Keeping these things in mind, I set out to develop a clearer understanding of the cultural identity conflict among some of my students with the hopes of creating a space for reflection and critical thinking.
After interviewing students and close friends, I found a recurring theme amongst their personal stories. They expressed a shared sense of anxiety, incomprehension and apprehension during their early period in the U.S. There seemed to be a recurring bittersweet view towards the English language and a strong affinity towards their native language. Although the students mentioned various methods for improving their skills, they all stated that taking a face-face class was the most effective. As students interviewed each other, I noticed an abrupt change in their body language as they realized so many parts of their stories were the same. Although the students were able to describe their immediate reaction to the new environment and the progression of their language skills over time, they were unable to coherently express a critical or analytical response. This is in sharp contrast to the interview conducted with friend A. He provided a very detailed explanation of his feelings, thoughts and reactions to the new linguistic and cultural environment. He was able to share the moment that he felt everything clicked and speaking came naturally without tumultuous effort or thought. This interview provided profound insight into the many layers of language learning. During my week of inquiry with my students and friends, I noted the key role of food in each individual’s identity. Although they never explicitly mentioned this as an extension of their identity, it was evident in their body language, tone and frequency in discussion. Perhaps food was important because this portion of their identity could not be changed by their new linguistic surroundings. This was a portion of their identity that fused almost seamlessly.
On the surface learning a language is such a superficial task but I think it involves much more than syntax, intonation, pronunciation and correct conjugation. Although each student is different, I think the learning process has the potential to broaden and deepen one’s perspective of the world and surrounding environment. In turn, once we take into account an individual’s gender, race and sexuality, as well as their religious, cultural and ethnic identities only then can we begin to understand the all encompassing role of one’s linguistic identity. It is truly a combination of Chomsky’s universal grammar and Lourdes Ortega’s equity within a multilingual language development approach. Language, to the expert it’s a beautiful melody, a fast paced tempo, a soothing sonnet but to the novice it’s an uneven paced pulse, a sharp screech, a cacophony.
Wenger, E. (1998). Communities of practice: Learning, meaning, and identity. Cambridge, UK: Cambridge University
Press.
Ukasoanya, G. (2013) Social Adaptation of New Immigrant Students: Cultural
Scripts, Roles, and Symbolic Interactionism. New York: Springer Science+Business Media
Temples, A. & Nelson G. (2011) Identity Construction as Nexus of Multimembership: Attempts at Reconciliation
Through an Online Intercultural Communication Course. RouteledgeTaylor & Francis Group
Love letter to me 2015
W Wanderland 